It's Up To Me:
How We Respond
October 1, 2022
I get to drive to the airport. A lot.
Over the summer there’s been a section of a street in Ames on my way to DSM that has been reduced to two lanes of traffic. Unfortunately, it’s a very confusing intersection.
One quiet Sunday morning, as I was approaching, I noticed a vehicle parked sideways on “my” side–almost entirely blocking the lane. On the side for oncoming traffic, a vehicle had entered that lane and was 20 or 30 feet into it. They had gone down the wrong side, gotten stuck (those little helpful dividers were keeping the traffic in the two lanes apart), and stopped. There was, quite literally, no way to turn around–and traffic was starting to back up in front of this person.
The Reaction
Admittedly, I had a few unpleasant thoughts cross my mind. Fortunately, I was not the one who responded to this individual. The person partially blocking my lane had pulled over with their flashers on and was helping the person to gain their composure.
It was clear from their hand gestures, head tilt, and other nonverbals that they were being gentle with this poor soul who was quite distraught. They were assisting this person without getting angry, honking their horn, unhelpfully gesturing, etc. They were showing compassion. And serving.
This little experience brought to the forefront the importance of how we react in any given situation. How we react influences what happens.
Alternatives
No doubt, had folks gotten angry, tensions would have mounted and the situation would have gotten worse. Instead, those on-scene were calm, serene, compassionate, kind, and helpful. While it still took some time to clear things up, the well-being of those involved was better for it.
And, no doubt, the ongoing interactions throughout the course of the day, from all parties, was better for it.
It reminds me of a quote from Haim Ginott, the child psychologist:
“I’ve come to a frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.”
And it reminds me of a wonderful little 2-minute reflection by Maya Angelou, encouraging us to be the rainbow in someone else’s cloud.
May each of us make conscious decisions about how we respond. And may we, and the world, be better for it.
Questions for Reflection
- Think of a time when someone responded to you with compassion when they could have gone the other way. What was that like? How did it help you?
- How can you prepare yourself so that, when tensions become potentially high, you can be the one responding with compassion and care?
- What support systems might you need to be able to achieve this?
Rib Review
Well…I guess I didn’t have very many ribs this month, despite lots of travel. Even so, there’s one in this list that is worth a trip if you’re in the area:
Smokey D’s in Des Moines is a family favorite and regular pit-stop, and their ribs always have good flavor, though the sauces are the best part. The charm of the place–right off of I-80–adds to the experience.
Jameson’s Original Charhouse at the DoubleTree hotel in Skokie, Illinois had ribs that were very good–fall-off-the-bone. Unfortunately, they slathered them with too much sauce so it was difficult to enjoy. My recommendation is to get the sauce on the side.
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